It seems like I constantly am talking to Kevin. Maybe its because it is summer time, and for the past few years, summer meant sitting on the steps at night with him outside because we couldn't afford air conditioning that worked well enough to keep us cool or renting Easy Rider and dreaming about taking cross country motorcycle trips or making 1 am trips to Taco Bell for soft tacos with hot sauce for him and hard taco supreme with mild sauce for me. I talk to Kevin while I work, thinking about how he would find certain situations hilarious or the joke I heard earlier pretty lame, or while I'm driving on 295 and I hear Billy Joel's Piano Man on the radio. Kevin, like my love for summer, is immersed in my heart.

When I first met Kevin I honestly was surprised. I had met Jim first in class, and had made plans to go to a Phi Kap Thursday night party with him and his "cool roommate" I had to meet. Kevin was not who I expected preppy ass Jim to be hanging out with, as I watched this skinny pale kid with bright orange fro-like hair sit on my bed in my Oak dorm room, We went out, and bonded over dancing and making fun of other people. We got drunk and shared a chicken cheesesteak at the Rat. I loved the way he put ketchup on each individual fry from the packet instead of the plate. He was like no one else I had ever met and I loved his smile and his blatant disregard to conventional life, authority and anything else ruining his good time.

My favorite times with him, in retrospect, were moments that were not moments at all. Playing Literati over the computer, renting Less than Zero than dancing to the title song in the living room, playing Spit on the floor and him yelling at me not to cheat, going to goodwill to look for t-shirts and board games, and times like our lunches at PBs for the burger and beer combo where he would take my pickles.

People who did not know Kevin ask me what kind of person he was. I always try to explain that he was far from perfect but one of the kindest people I knew. In a genuine, kind, because thats who he was sort of way. I say he hated when people were fake, and called me on my shit whenever I was acting like an idiot. He was never afraid to disagree. He always had time. He hated talking on the phone. He loved his computer. He wanted to design video games. He read books all the time for fun. He consumed more pizza and tacos than most people probably should in their lifetime. When there were art trips with R.A.S.S., Kevin would attend just to hang out with Jim and I, and always be more interested in whatever exhibits were happening than most of the people who had to be there. If Chuck had a show, he would be the first one to say he was going to go and the last one to want to come home. Even if people or situations in his life let him down, he never let us down. He never knew the right things to say. He always was funny without trying...

I think Kevin's death was more of a wake-up call than college graduation. I feel different now. I appreciate people in my life more. I say I love you to the people I care about every chance I get. I try not to sweat the little stuff. I guess Kevin had it right because he seemed to always know everything was the little stuff. I appreciate every day because I know how lucky I am and I know I would be letting him down if I didn't.

I often dream about a goodbye we never had. We are in my car at night listening to 103.3 and some crazy jazz thing they have. He is telling me a funny story about the beach. We turn off the AC and roll down the windows. Its black out and the humidity of the day has been lifted. I tell him I love him and he will always be my best friend. I ask him what he wants to do, on our last night together. He says he wants to be with all his friends. So we drive and he is humming the whole way.