What I Lost

I wrote this for me. It's not in any particular order. I'm going to constantly update this.

It has been a few months now since we lost him. Putting into words what exactly he meant to me and how huge of role he played in the my life has been difficult. I still think about him all the time. Every now and then it will really hit me hard who (how close of a friend) is now gone from me forever. The other day I was with a group of friends that we would all hang out with and the realization punched me in the stomach like it has so many times since his death. I couldn't think of the tv show that ran a certain sketch. When I told everyone about the sketch, I seemed crazy. All I could think about was that if Kevin was there he would not only know the name of the show he would know the exact lines I was talking about. It sounds stupid to sum it up like that, but there is so much of my life, so many good times that I don't have anyone to remember them with that are gone forever, so many jokes that would make us laugh and others stare, so many things that we understood about each other as people that I don't think I will ever have in the same way with anyone again. As selfish as it seems, I sometimes feel that my life will never be as fulfilling as it should have been, as it would have been with him around.

Normally, when I would try thinking of a story or something that happened to the two of us I would ask Kevin about it because he could always remember things in such vivid detail, so much better than I ever could. He would remember exact words said and who was there. I on the other hand, have a lot of trouble remembering stuff, especially since I have known him since we were roommates freshman year and hung out together just about every day. I'm going tell some stories that happened to us that are pretty stupid and some that really expose his genuine personality. There is so much to say.

He was cool to hang around with because he was always spontaneous and fun. The most notable of these times was when he decided to hitchhike across America to California. It all started freshman year when we had to read Into the Wild by John Krahauer for literature class. The book took me the scheduled three or so weeks to read, but I swear he read it in just a day or so as he did with most books. After getting into some "trouble" with the school, we had to either do the punishment or would not be allowed back. I did the punishment that summer, Kevin took a leave-of-abscense from Rowan which gave him two years to decide if he wanted to do the punishment and come back or not. The beginning of sophomore year came and Kevin didn't do the punishment and wasn't coming back to school and I had a new roommate, Ryan. It was early in the year and there was a Busta Rhymes concert coming up. We told Kevin to come on down and see the concert and hang out for a while on my couch. It turns out that he had decided to hitchhike to California and see America. He had no plan on what to do once he got there, but he didn't seem to know what else to do. He spent $90 on a huge backpack and Rowan was his first stop so that we could see him off. Six hours after he had left from Trenton hitchhiking to Rowan we got a call, I had to to drive an hour or so north to pick him up, keeping in mind that the distance from Trenton to Rowan is only about two hours. He only got three rides in six hours. He stayed on my couch for the week before the concert which was okay with my new roommate Ryan because they would watch DragonBall Z and play video games together. The week turned into another two weeks cause he wanted to stay for Halloween, but it later turned into a month or so. It was cool cause we all loved hanging out with him and he didn't take up much space. He would normally hang out with Chuck and the kids in the suite and Jolene would always come over and hang out and get him food on her meal-plan. He never got any closer to California than Glassboro because we all convinced him that for a smart kid he was being dumb. That winter he worked at a soup kitchen in Trenton, fulfilling his punishment and was back at Rowan the following semester.

I would have to say that Kevin's craziest years were the end of freshman year throughout his (would be) junior year. I can remember one time, the end of freshman year when a bunch of us from the suite went to a comedy night at the rat. We didn't have much else to do and the tickets were cheap so we pre-gamed as usual and brought snapple bottles filled with jungle juice. It was a def jam comedy night so of course we were the only white people in a crowed small room with a stage. The comedy was "okay" at best, but there is one thing that nearly split my sides. I think it was the second comic, he scanned the audience several times and said "where all my white people at!" We all felt on edge cause it was obvious we were it . Then all of a sudden Kevin stands up, waving his arms yelling several times "WE'RE OVER HERE." Everyone looked at us and cracked up, needless to say we all had a lot of fun that night.

Like most people, I admired him for being such a genuine person, not caring what others thought about him. He didn't care how he looked as long as he was comfortable, and he always had crazy hair of some sort whether it was a fro, shaved, or a mohawk. One summer he had blonde highlights and was trying to get a job a Six Flags, but they said he needed to have "natural looking" hair, so he dyed it deep black. The dark hair against his bone white skin could not have looked any more unnatural, and he ended up quitting after training. The summer of junior year I asked him why he wanted to keep sporting the mohawk, he summed it up with this, "Jim, when I'm riding my bike on 322 and some Glassboro trash yells out of their pickup truck window 'Yo Faggot,' I get the hugest rush!" He never tried to impress anyone, that why his opinions on music, life, and people was so genuine.

Kevin always kept it "real" with me. An aspect of our friendship that I will greatly miss is that he always kept me grounded. Whenever I doubted myself and shouldn't have, he would reassure me and if I was being overly cocky and had my head in my ass about something he would go out of his way to let me know how I was acting and make-fun of me. When most people would comment on how I act, I take it with a grain of salt, but when Kevin said something it really hit home since he knew my character so well.

Damn was he smart. He was in a difficult major of computer science and seemed to be good at it, but it was rare to see him study. I remember hearing he got a 15 something on his SAT's, but he never made a deal of it. He always did good in drinking games such as asshole. He also had well thought out strategies and I don't think anyone ever won a game of Clue when he was playing. Kevin was always a stickler for the rules. I can remember several instances when he would yell at people for attempting to cheat at beer-pong or asshole.

I loved going to concerts with Kevin, in fact just about all the concerts I went to in college were with him. Memorable concerts where the Chemical Bro's, with K-gar and his friends, Blink, with Jolene and Chuck, Area one show, Moby, Warp Tour, Super Furry Animals, Badly Drawn Boy, Grandaddy and many others that I can't think of right now. At one of the two Super Furry Animal concerts that we went to with Jolene, Chuck and Thai there was a white rapper from Detroit that opened named "Cex." He was an decent rapper that was kinda funny, Kevin liked his rap about riding his bike (I think Kevin might have actually bought Cex's cd afterwards) and at one point Cex asked the audience what subjects he should incorporate in his next rap. At the top of his lungs Kevin yelled out NINTENDO. Sure enough, Cex heard it and in his rap was a line about nintendo. This made Kevin very happy, and we all laughed at him. Just the two of us went to Badly Drawn Boy at the TLA. It was the first time we could drink at a concert and buy $5 beers, but we got to sit on the balcony, it was a memerable time.

I could always depend on Kevin when it counted, as he knew he could with me. He was there for me when I was laying on my floor going in and out of shock at 5:30 a.m. after almost cutting my finger off while attempting to kill a cricket. Kevin called me an ambulance and then drove me to the hospital. He was also there the night I lost my wallet at Dave and Busters, he bought me drinks for the rest of the night.

I knew and lived with Kevin during college which is supposed to be and was the best time of my life. During this period I found out who I really am as a person, and I made long lasting friendships with others whose personalities meshed well with mine. Kevin and I always got along. We liked and disliked the same things and had the same sense of humor. Kevin was my best friend. Since we knew each other during college, of course we did a lot of stupid college things. We partied together, got in trouble together, and always had fun. He had a shy exterior, but once he felt comfortable with who he was with he became the life of the party. I either lived with him or hung out with him every day for four years and during the weekends this past year, there is too much to tell, I wish he was here to help me.

I would like to think that it was fate that brought Kevin and I to room together freshman year of college at Rowan. Often people would ask how did you guys meet each other, and I told them, but it often made me wonder if we would have become friends otherwise. The first time I talked to kevin it was early in the summer before our freshman year at Rowan. I was calling him since he would be my roommate the following year and I wanted to get a feeling for who I was going to live with. We didn't talk about much, just general stuff like music and what our high school was like. He seemed a bit quiet, but nice, so I was looking forward to meeting him. When we met on move in day I can remember he seemed like a nice kid and that he had crazy hair. Later that night I was going to an event the school was running to get students to meet each other and I asked him if he wanted to go. That was the first night we hung out, and at that point I wasn't sure if I would be good friends with him or if we would just do the roommate thing.

In the time I know and lived with him, he never lied to me, did anything to hurt me, or ever made me really angry.

Everyday since his death I feel so sad that he was taken from us, mad that he was taken from me, but I am so thankful that he was a part of my life. I don't know what kind of person I would be if it wasn't for Kevin.


Oddly, I am no longer afraid of death like I used to be. I was afraid of being alone in darkness, now I feel that it is when I get to see my friend again.

Memorable Quotes:
Chicken - Kevin could imitate this bum we met in AC who carried around a bag of fried Chicken and the only word he seemed to be able to say was chicken

Crappy Crap Crap on a Crap Cracker

All my Base are belong to us- bad japanese to english translation from a nintendo game.

Mottzy Sticks, Get Your Mottzy Sticks - what the large lady at the Rat would yell out when our order of Mozzarella sticks where ready. We would often get food at 1:30am after the frats freshman and Sophomore year.