Trying to get across what Kevin meant to me is pretty tough, since there is so much I can say. I'll start off with what I know and then tell a few stories. I knew Kevin my entire life. He was not only my brother but also my best friend. Kevin was the most influential person in my life. I can't even begin to express how much I loved him and how much he shaped my life. Without him I wouldn't be who I am today. We understood each other so well and connected on so many levels and we didn't need to ask each other how each other were doing, we just knew. For me it was really easy to read Kevin, because I knew where he was coming from and most of the time I felt the same way. That was, I think, the basis of our friendship, that we completely understood each other.

  My mom told me that when I was a little girl from about age 1 to 4, I used to follow Kevin around everywhere. I was his shadow and I looked up to him so much. I would do everything he did because I wanted to be just like him. We used to watch our dad put on calogne and one day Kevin wanted to put some on. We went to the bathroom, got a stool, and Kev climbed up to the cabinet. He got the calogne out and splashed half the bottle on himself. Then he gave the bottle to me and I drank the rest. We were a team right from the start.

   I once had this battery-operated wand with these plastic strings, that had lights on the tips, which I accidentally stole, but we won't get into that. One day Kev secretly sat in the corner of the room in our old house and took it apart. This was when he was about four or five. I was very upset when I found out. He was also the master of Lego's, which Chris, Kevin and I used to play with all the time. He loved putting things together and taking them apart. He was just brilliant in everything he wanted to do.

   Then we got a little older and we fought constantly. We fought over toys, video games, the TV, anything. In high school we both kind of grew up and we never really fought again. We both knew how stupid it was to fight over a TV show. After a while, we liked the same things anyway, so it didn't matter.

  I joined the cross-country team in high school just because he was on it. I wanted to prove that I could do it to, and be just as good. When he was a senior, he was the best on the team, and I thought that was so cool. I've been running xc ever since.

   Kev would also burn tons of cds for me and I loved every one. I would go to Rowan sometimes and he would give me about 10 cds and it felt like Christmas. He had such a good taste in music, and if I ever wanted to hear something new, he would always suggest something that was good. We would talk about music all the time, and he would tell me I should listen to this, and I would tell him he should listen to that. Most of the groups I like are groups that Kevin introduced me to.

   I looked up to Kevin like he was this awesome person that I wasn't worthy to know. He just made you feel so good about yourself. I was always my true self around him. He accepted everyone for who they were, and encouraged people to be themselves in the most indirect way. He always made me laugh and I loved making him laugh. I would do something really stupid just to see him smile, and every time I did something fun he might like or heard of something funny, I couldn't wait to tell him. He had the best sense of humour and could always say exactly the right thing to make you laugh. He always had witty comments to everything, especially if it was about something serious. You'd realize whatever you were worried about was really stupid. Kevin was a person of few words, but what he said, he meant.

   Then I got to college and Kev would invite me to parties and I felt so privileged to hang out with him and his friends. I felt like I was more a part of his life. From then on we just became better and better friends. He came to some parties at my school too and those were some of the best times. Whenever he was around I didn't have to worry because he was always looking out for me. Kevin and I could make anything fun, even if it was an hour and a half drive to the beach.
Being in a car that long is pretty boring. On the long drive, at the last stretch of road in Island Beach State Park, it just goes on forever. All I had to do was roll down the window with the salty sea air flying in, stick my hand out the window and start singing to whatever song was on, for Kev to lite up. It was the same thing for me, All Kev had to do was basically talk to me or make a joke.

  Kevin and I would spend countless hours surfing and frying in the sun, thanks to our Uncle Rod, who taught us how to surf. There was nothing better than surfing with Kev. I will never forget catching our first wave and never wanting to leave the water even though the sun was going down; congratulating each other about awesome rides and awesome wipe outs; the many hours driving to the beach in our Ford Escort; gradually getting better and better and seeing our progress; knowing that we were getting better together and that we were on the same level; and the 2 cds Kev made for the drive there. Every time I listen to those cds all I can think about is surfing with Kev. Kev would always go for the craziest big waves in the set, when I was like no way man. Half the time the wave would eat him up, but the other half he made. Even when we drove all the way down to the beach and there were no waves we still had fun. We would go paddling in the water anyway and try to stand up on the board in flat water, which is quite impossible but fun to try anyway.

  We also both got skateboards to help our balance on our surfboards and we went every now and then down the street from our house or at the Beau. Kev got really good at it. This one time skating around our house he started going down this one street, not realizing that with the newly paved cement, he would go a whole lot faster. He flew down the street and I knew he was going to wipe out. I stood in the middle of the other street that was perpendicular to the one he was on, to stop any cars from coming because he wasn't stopping. It was actually pretty scary. He had a nasty wipe out and hurt is wrist pretty bad. Our mom drove us to the hospital to have it checked out. Kevin and I were thrilled that he wiped out and were having a good time in the car, but our mom wasn't too happy. Fortunately, it wasn't broken.

  It's hard to imagine the future without Kevin since he was such a part of my life. Everyone talks about memories of people, but I keep thinking, how can Kevin be a memory, when my entire life was filled with memories of him. Is then my whole life a "memory." Maybe memory is just the wrong word. I loved everything about Kevin. I loved his smile, style, sense of humour, and crazy hair. He made me feel like I was special and like I belonged somewhere. He made everyone feel that way. There will never be anyone like Kevin. He was a beautiful person and I believe he's still watching over us. I don't think he's gone just yet. He will always live on through us.